Memories

Have you ever woke up one morning and wondered how you got to where you are today? Have you ever analyzed what decisions you've made and how different life would be if you chose something different? And if you have and you had the opportunity to do it again would you change something so that your life would be different?

I woke up this morning and realized that in 5 days Lizzy will be 4 months old. She gets her next round of immunizations next Friday and her pictures at 1 day old look nothing like her pictures at 3 months old.

I titled this Blog "The Ups and Downs" cause that's what life is filled with - ups and downs. And that's what I intend to share with everyone who takes the time to read this as I start posting more.

My Dad leaves tomorrow for a 2 week long trip to Germany to visit my sister - could you picture my dad a world traveller? It's kinda funny - he's planning to spend a week with my sister and her husband and then rent a motorcycle and take a week long ride through Germany possibly heading into other countries - depends on the weather. He's so excited. It's been a while since I've seen him this excited.....

Then I start thinking that the week after he returns is my mom's birthday - October 31st. And I get sad. I had a crying jag a few nights ago over it - first one I've had in 5 months (since Mother's Day). It's hard for me to think that she'll never be there to watch Lizzy grow up and then I think that it must be 10 times harder for my dad. We've resigned ourselves to the fact that Vanessa will never understand just how lucky she was that mom was around via computer or phone to give her advice and help her out. I know everyone had said "If you need anything let me know" but it's just not the same. This coming Friday as I leave the pediatrician's office with my sad and hurt baby girl I'll think of the last time and realized that when she cries and cries and runs a fever and feels bad later that night my mom will watch me and be proud because I'm raising the prettiest little girl and she's happy. Not just smile at mommy and daddy happy but real honest to goodness I have the world on my shoulders happy and i'm looking forward to exploring it. And when she's old enough to understand I'll tell her one of my bestest friends in the whole wide world was Grandma Brabbs and while she can't be here to watch her grow up she's looking after her and wants to be her best friend.

I've always thought to myself "May life be filled with more ups than downs" This is one of my downs and it's probably the hardest one I'll ever deal with. Every once in a while I get reminiscent about the last year and get sad but the good days definately outweigh the bad and I'm not traveling in some deep seeded depression over it cause I have ups too. I have friends that love me and my little girl and I don't know what I would do without them.

So Thank You - for all you do - day in and out. Even though we don't see each other every day I want everyone of you to know that my friends make me strong. They make me believe and give me hope. My friends are Ups in life and I don't know what I would do without each and every one of you.